Stay Curious

I recently worked with a young woman who felt herself to be on the edge of something.  It was dark; a huge void; something she might fall into and be lost.  It was clearly terrifying.  Yet the more she ignored it, the scarier it became.


So I ENCOURAGED her to be curious; to wonder what might be in it; beyond the dark.  She found the courage to gaze, unflinching, into that void.  And through the fog of doubts and self criticism, she saw the source of her own creativity.  In her mind's eye, the void became a well from which she could draw.  In many ways no less scary, but empowering and motivating...


We are often tempted to avoid the things we fear.  When our children tell us about the monster under the bed, we want to say that it isn't there.  Yet research suggests that children overcome their fears best when encouraged to explore them.  By following their curiosity, sneaking glances at first to find out what colour it is, how long its hair, how smelly its breath, they gradually find the strength to look the monster in the eye.  


Similarly, with our inner demons, as long as we only catch a glimpse of them, or they stay on the edge of our hearing, they retain their power.  Get curious - unpick what they say, what voice they use, perhaps how ridiculous they look - and we gain control.


Our fixed thinking can trap us in old stories and fears.  Using what Seth Godin* calls a 'fundamentalist' approach, we consider first if something fits with the story we tell about ourselves before taking it on board.  In this way we accept at face value all that reinforces our beliefs, and reject that which challenges us. In contrast, staying curious means exploring first, finding out what is true - what works - and building it into to an evolving story.  Here there is growth and opportunity.


Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I believe it is a life giver.


If you are curious to find out how our coaching and workshops can help, please get in touch.


* See Nic Askew's fabulous film of Seth here http://www.nicaskew.com/2011/10/curious/