Photo by Lynda Kelly
I've just experienced my first equine assisted learning session, with the lovely (and just a bit frisky) Charlie.
Its a long time since my last encounter with horses, and to be honest enforced riding school lessons as a girl were not my idea of a relaxed Sunday morning, so I was feeling curious but a little reticent. Yet Charlie (and my talented facilitator Sharon*) taught - or retaught - me a valuable lesson.
When we started to work, Charlie and Jack came over to our end of the field; curious. And when Sharon brought Charlie into our smaller paddock, he came up to me at the fence for a stroke. After initially wanting simply to feel comfortable around the horses, and them around me, I soon wanted to get closer.
Working with Charlie in the paddock I knew he was aware of me; twitching his ears; looking from the corner of his eye. And he wasn't spooked by me. But of course he did have other things to be interested in - eating grass; where his friend Jack had got to….
I was working hard on connecting with him. I was probably resolved to get closer, or have him come closer to me; yet we skirted around each other's boundaries for quite a while.
Eventually I felt a shift and relaxed a little more - perhaps I had resigned myself to it not happening this time. I also let go of some self consciousness. I felt my legs flex just a little as I breathed out more deeply. Charlie lifted his head and walked straight towards me. I stroked his nose, then offered a piece of apple I'd had hidden and he took it softly.
When Charlie went back into the main field he galloped up and down in front of us, kicked his hind legs in the air and then lay down and rolled about. His raw energy was tangible.
I think much of our search for connection, or for the things we want to appear in our lives can be like this. We feel we need to go after our dreams; to chase; to move towards something or someone. If our pursuance of someone is too targetted or rigid, it can feel claustrophobic.
It is said that neediness is an unattractive trait - a passion-killer. I think it is less someone's pure 'need' and more the demands and expectations they place on others that feels difficult.
Our expressions of need are rarely moments of openness or pure vulnerability. They are often tinged with anger or control. 'I need love' is very different from 'I need you to love me' or 'you don't love me enough’.
I think I had had a picture of how connecting with Charlie would be. I know I wanted him to respond in a certain way. And when I let that go, I stopped trying so hard. Perhaps by simply opening myself up to the possibility of connection, I made it more possible for him to approach me. Or so it seemed.
* Sharon Clifton of Equus Reflects - 07720 190722
* Sharon Clifton of Equus Reflects - 07720 190722
